A Little Excitement at the Staff Meeting

This happened at my last job before I retired; I am quite grateful that I don’t have to deal with nonsense like this anymore.

Our monthly meeting at work usually involves listening with rapt attention to the latest massaging of our corporate mission statement.

But this month it suddenly grew an appendage: a big party at the end. That and some other signs led me to think, “Gee… I think something is going down.”

I commented to a coworker, as a half-serious shot in the dark, “I wonder if we’re getting sold again?”

“Yeah, right,” he said with an unbelieving grin, as we entered the meeting room, where the CEO and COO were at the head of the room, accompanied by… someone we’d never seen before.

Oh boy. Hang on tight, boys and girls. Here we go!

Our fun-loving CEO warmed us up with the following: “Hi, everyone, I’d like to introduce you to Neil. Neil is from the bank to tell us why they’ve called in our loan and why that means we’re going out of business.”

A couple of people suddenly sat bolt upright in their chairs amidst a sudden mass intake of breath.

“Haw haw, just kidding!” our CEO responded, and explained that Neil was actually from a private equity firm that had bought us out.

“I’ll be damned, I was right,” I thought silently. They spent a good 45 minutes convincing us that this was going to be a good thing (well, maybe) and that nothing was going to change, which is what they always say, and sometimes they’re correct.

“Your jobs will stay the same, the organizational structure will stay the same, the Christmas party will stay the same… nothing’s going to change.”

“Are we still getting our Christmas bonus?” someone interjected.

“…the Christmas party will stay the same,” the CEO repeated, with a nervous little grin.

Seriously, just as with the previous time we were bought out (which turned out to be no big deal), I was alert but not concerned. And yes, we did end up getting a Christmas bonus. But I got a giggle out of relaying this story to Alice when I got home.