One Day at the DMV

A few weeks ago I was registering for a Roblox account and noticed you could get more access if you proved you were an adult via a scan of your driver’s license.

No problem, here you go… What? Expired? My drivers license is expired? Seriously?

Seriously. Whatever warnings or reminders they sent me must have been waylaid in the mail.

So I went down to the DMV to renew it, and also try to get myself the fabled RealID.

Well, what can I say? DMV gotta DMV.

Despite two printed appointment confirmations from their website, they insisted that I had no appointment and would have to wait.

“That’s from the old website,” I was told.

Well, why is the old website still up, why is it the only result when you search for my local DMV office, and why is it still scheduling appointments?

And so I waited. As is usual for a DMV waiting room, it was completely full, with quite the backup, so that took some time, of course.

At this point I would like to point out the differences between the American and Chinese alligator. The Chinese alligator is much smaller and more docile than its American counterpart. It is endangered due to habitat disruption, and has to be bred in captivity then carefully reintroduced to the wild.

Why do I mention this, you ask? Because a clerk at the counter right in front of me was earnestly discussing this with the customer before him after they had transacted their business and before turning to the next waiting customer—who would be me.

There was also a lot of information about various breeds of gekkos. Something about a breed with red eyes, care and feeding thereof, among other things.

And then when this fascinating exchange had finished, the clerk cheerfully invited me up.

Found the bottleneck.

With that out of the way, it was time for my driver’s license photo, which looked for all the world like the mugshot of a serial killer. No joke.

“Only bartenders are gonna see it anyway,” the clerk consoled me.

“That’s some positive thinking; I would have said ‘cops,’ myself,” I responded.

Yes, I got my RealID. I carefully researched what documentation was necessary: utility bills in your name at your address, birth certificate, tax forms… it’s a lot.

The RealID sure came in handy when applying for TSA Precheck later, though.

And I passed the eye exam; I was a bit worried about that, since my vision was a bit wonky due to recent cataract surgeries.